sonic 2007

[Teflon]

Sonic is lazing about in a canoe made of flower petals and pink underwear, when he looks up at the sky and spots, far up about the clouds, Tails, in his super econonomic SolarPanelPlane(tm) Biplane. The craft is rocked by an explosion, and the plane plummits to the ground at breakneck speed, coming to liquifying stop.

Sonic lazily gets up, gently placing his princess bride's arm at her side. He reaches over and grabs her purse, searches around for her credit cards, and then walks to the door, discarding the contents of her purse. As he clutches the doorhandle, he turns and spits out "Smile, my ass. How bout a fuckin' orgasm or two?". Exit stage right.

Sonic races to the scene of the crash. Metal scattered about like strewn confetti, making it a precarious path to the cockpit. He finds tails, crushed under the upper wing's pylon. Blood froths from his mouth in slow bursts. Tails looks up at Sonic, and relief fills his eyes, so glad to finally have help. Sonic returns Tail's gaze, and sympathetically raises his foot. And smashes it down onto his once closest confidant's skull. Bits of fox skull and flesh spattered all about, making a gruesome mess of that anthropomorphic nightmare's once wholesome face.

Sonic removes his foot from Tail's brain stem, and steps away from the cockpit, licking the blood from his face and writing in his livejournal about how it reminded him his mission of blood and death. He puts the book down quickly, and checks his watch. Any second now.

*POP* Tails reappears in front of Sonic's masculine torso, with a dissatisfied frown on his face. Sonic sneers, makes a quip about Tail's mum being one hell of a vixen slut, and races off back to his floating kingdom of trans-species lovemakin'.

Sighing heavily, Tails gets up and bares his fangs, straightens his arms and stammers out "Oh that SONIC, he sure is STRANGE someTIMES." Cue fade to black

[Teflon]

Sonic 2007 Part II

Sonic returns to the musky smell of hedgehog-on-human snuggling. Princess Elise whirls around in the bed, meeting Sonic's glare with unfettered vulnerability. Sonic very slowly walks towards the bed, stepping over strewn pairs of very large socks, a fashion mistake from his early 90's days. He towers over her, blocking the light cast from the sparkling bright of daytime through the door. A single tear rolls down her cheek, and lands on Sonic's right shoe.

"what the FUCK you just got MY FUCKING SHOES WET you bipedal CUNT!" Sonic's tumor-swollen hand swings forward and slaps Elise head on, splattering her consciousness across the back of the shagpad in a playful arc of shattered flesh. Sonic begins to feel much better, tense undoing itself in his mind. This is interrupted by a knock on the door. Sonic pauses, then spins around and paces quickly to the door, trying in vain to remove the increasing number of permanent blood splotches on his body.

The door opens, and in walks two police officers, one carrying a clipboard and a nice Ink Pen. Sonic considers thieving it, but is jarred back to reality when the officer announces "Sonic the Hedgehog! By order of law here on Mobiearth Sephiroro, we sentence you to death for murder in the first degree!" Sonic raises his eyebrow in skepticism. The officer, not taking very well to Sonic's ill-timed attempt at humour, raises his pistol and fires off a fresh one into furry bait's monstrous skull. Sonic's forehead explodes in a shower of rings. "OH SHIT I'M RINGING" Sonic cries out in a piercing tongue. He also appears to fade in and out of the ether in rapid succession. Sonic staggers, then stands tall, the torrent of rings subsiding, his flickering visage solidifying.

Sonic looks into the officer's eyes. Looks deep. He pierces the officer's soul with tendrils of pure evil. The camera fades for a split second, and as it fades back in, we see the inside of the shack covered, positively drenched in the organic matter of the officer. The other officer, now seemingly disturbed, wanders out the door, stopping to vomit on the stairs, before carrying on his way.

Sonic turns, and to his his utter suprise, finds Elise standing there, feet being cut into by broken shards of bones. She trembles with fear, withdrawing as he approaches her. He approaches her at a quicker pace, but stopped when he hears, close by, the sound of Knuckles shouting loudly. Sonic figures he's dragging another drunk echidness student back to his house. He pauses, and then heads to the door, grabbing a few condoms from his wallet on the counter. "We'll finish this later" Sonic muses.

Elise is left in darkness again. "Oh father", she cries, "If only you had raped me as a child, I would have feared sex with grotesque abominations from the beginning, and never would have been attracted to Sonic." She sobs and lays down on the floor, rocking herself to sleep on the putrid floor.

[Teflon]

Sonic 2007 Part 3

[WARNING: LOW LEVEL DRUG USE]

Sonic stands in the brilliant sunlight, allowing the breeze to cast away the foul odour hanging about him. Off in the distance, in the direction of the Red Light District Zone. Pocketing the condoms in his tiny hedgehog anus, he speeds off.

Knuckles sings gleefuly to himself, visibly proud of his latest catch. He reflects on the moment, his self-praise bloating his ego. "Bitch, I get freaky on the walls and shit. Ever fucked on a Master Emerald?" he had suavely bragged. Slipping the tablet in her drink while she laughed. His tuneful song is interrupted by the unmistakable presence of Sonic's unhinged-joint legs, making terrific pace behind him. Knuckles lowers the girl, who slumps to the grass, unmoving. Ants and maggots can be seen approaching and crawling over her exposed flesh, occasionly finding a sweet spot to nestle into. Knuckles ignores the decay, as he secretly loves the feel of cold, hard sex. Sonic stops in an instant before him, but due to the residual inertia of supersonic travel, pivots downward in a split second, and explodes like C4 in a sack of blue flesh against the ground.

Knuckles taps his foot, and tips his wide brimmed hat. He double takes at the hat, removing it from his head. He struggles to remember where it came from. He shugs, and places another acid tab on his tongue, awaiting the splendid visions. Not before Sonic reappears, somewhat disgruntled. "I've only got 1 more life left" he mutters, spitting onto the grass below. Knuckles laughs slightly, and smiles at Sonic. Sonic takes this as the cue to start things going. He knees Knuckles in the forehead and powerslams him when he's down, for good measure.

Sonic rushes, as he digs a large hole, and drags Knuckles and the now-dead hooker into it. Filling it in and covering it with a native Red Jump Spring, Sonic reminds himself to remember there's a tasty set of bones to chew on this winter. Sonic speeds off into the Red Light Distric Zone, determined to find Amy, working at her so called "Night job at Tandy Electronics".

[Evan]

I approve.

[Jolly Joes]

That was an awesome thread at SA.

[Teflon]

jollyjoes said:

That was an awesome thread at SA.

i wish he'd post more

[Jolly Joes]

Also I like to say "OH SHIT I'M RINGING" Sonic cries out in a piercing tongue. He also appears to fade in and out of the ether in rapid succession. is one of the greatest lines ever to be related about Sonic the Hedgehog.

[Jolly Joes]

HEY GUYS! HERE'S MORE!

Sonic 2007 Part 4

Sonic speeds into the red light district, during which he briefly considers whether shoving condoms up his own anus prior to a speedy run, a run in which his legs most likely hit the ground at 60,000RPM, was such a wise idea. His thought is cut short by a motorist, attempting to do a u-turn. Sonic screams, with a pinch of New York attitude, "NO FUCKIN U-TURNS IN MY FUCKIN CITY!". Using his trademark spin dash, he launches himself at the offending person's two-door.

(Now, let me interject here - a hedgehog, even of that size, would weigh at most 20-30lbs. 20 pounds of flesh, hitting your car at 40 miles per hour would leave quite a dint, but otherwise cause no structural damage. 20 pounds of incredibly resistan flesh (I'm assuming. Cmon', he flies around in fuckin outer space), hitting your car at the speed of sound, will obviously deal out more damage)

Sonic acknowledges the editor's comment, split seconds before he hits the car. The results are spectacular. The car's steel frame twists inwards at the point of impact, creating a veritable vortex of twisting metal death. With stunning finality, he tears through the car, creating a wake of mechanical slaughter. He rolls to a stop, uncurls, and gazes back at his handiwork. The vehicle is totally destroyed, looking as if hit by a giant cannonball, direcly through the centre of the car. By some miracle, the man inside is still alive, though trapped under a tangle of metal and cheap plastic exterior. Sonic gets up, shaking off the last of the shellshock, and slowly, menacingly, approaches the man in the car. Though trapped, the man, frightened beyond belief, is able to turn his head, and does so, to view the living buzz-saw. By this time, Sonic is standing no more than 1 foot from his face.

Sonic's head angles down, bringing his gruesome killer-face to meet the man. As the man silently relinquished control of his rectum and bladder, Sonic stares into the man's eyes. Deeper. Deeper still. In his mind, the man sees himself - standing in an inky void, strange colourless vapors eminating from underneath. Sonic walks in from the darkness, walks up to the man. So close he can hear Sonic saying something. At first it's a whisper, and as the man leans closer, to hear what he says, Sonic reaches forward suddenly, and buries his hand in the mans chest, reaching upward, until his hand found the man's brain.

All of a sudden, the vision cuts out - and Sonic has his arm, right-angled and raised in the air, in the same manner as was in the man's chest just before. The man whispers "Wh...wha..aat d..iid yy-y...ou s-sayy?"

Sonic opens his mouth, and clenches his fist tight. "Blow me"

The man's head explodes in a shower of blood, a cascade of gore, torrents of pulpy flesh and jagged bone, and then, the unmistakable coils, twists and sponge-like feel that can only be the human brain. By this time, a large crowd had gathered, and many of the people had phones to their ears, speaking frantically, their expressions betraying their reaction with unmistakable certainty.

Sonic's eyes gleam in the sunlight. "Oh shit".